“An Existence Without the Anxiety of Existence.” — Ludwig Wittgenstein Paris is lovely, as one would expect. I have been here just over a week and have already finished two books. The first was The Days of Abandonment by Elena Ferrante. It is a brutal, intimate novel about a woman whose husband leaves her and their two children for a younger woman, and what remains after the shock. I was struck by the force of the story and by the way Ferrante renders the cost of abandonment

We live in an age that honors the rise of the image and the decline of the written word. It is endemic to internet culture and its attendant short attention spans. Yet more meaningful than any essay, travel photo montage, or carefully plated restaurant meal is the feeling of genuine human connection. Returning from French class, I found myself walking behind an elderly woman carrying a large satchel. She was petite and stooped, perhaps from osteoporosis. The sidewalk was narr

“Belief consists in accepting the affirmations of the soul; unbelief, in denying them.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson Yesterday was May Day. It’s a national holiday in France and many other European countries. Almost every shop was closed, including the boulangeries. Few cafés were open. The city was quiet. I was out for a walk when I was suddenly approached by a woman standing on the curb who appeared to be about to cross the street. She turned to me and began speaking in F

"Impose ta chance, serre ton bonheur et va vers ton risque. À te regarder, ils s'habitueront." "Press your luck, hold your happiness close, and move toward your risk. Watching you, they will grow accustomed to it." — René Char, poet and Resistance commander Week three, and the experiment is beginning to clarify itself. It's now clear that my being here is not about Paris or books or solitude in the abstract. It's about the gap between the self I perform and the self I a

To appreciate freedom, one must first know constraint. We all know constraint. The difference is only in degree—how heavy it is, and who imposes it. Some shackles I forge myself. Others I allow society, friends, or obligation to attach. Much of the weight I carry comes from an inflated sense of responsibility, born mostly of fear: fear that if I stop, my world will crumble. It might. And perhaps that would be a mercy. To escape this prison — and yes, I'll use that word, howev

I was raised to believe desire was a sin, and then I met Leah. Leah was brilliant and the most indelicate of women, the kind that is quite capable of causing pain and knows how. I never felt it as malicious so much as borne of hidden despair, all the worse for her having grown accustomed to it. I never figured out if she realized what she was doing or she was merely acting out an unconscious pattern. It didn't matter; I was in love with her. I was in my thirties and still car

“What is the reward for knowing the worst?” — Donald Barthelme ________________________________________ In Turin, on January 3rd, 1889, Friedrich Nietzsche stepped out the door of Number 6, Via Carlo Alberto, perhaps to take a stroll, perhaps to collect his mail. Nearby, a cabman struggled with a stubborn horse. Despite repeated urging, the animal refused to move. The cabman lost his patience and took his whip to it. Nietzsche, solidly built, full-mustached, approached and en

Another snowfall. It's depressing and beautiful at the same time. I haven't seen the grass in more than a month. Looking out my window before the blizzard on Sunday morning, I notice a Canada goose sitting on the ice in the same spot since yesterday. It’s off by itself and occasionally swings its neck but does not move. Later that morning, I notice one of the Toulouse geese swimming madly in circles in the middle of the pond where the bubblers keep the pond from freezing enti

Autumn was in the air, and the morning delivered the weather I’d hoped for. It was one of those grey days I loved so much as a boy. Those cool, overcast days matched my disposition more closely than any other season. I was a melancholy kid, constantly bewildered by the world around me, and never quite sure how to make sense of what I felt. It wasn’t just the greyness I loved—it was the barrenness. The naked trees, the wind, the damp smell of the air, the absence of blue sky.

It’s a beautiful Autumn day. It’s 9:14 AM and I have just finished a bowl of shredded wheat with a sliced-up banana. I put on my Mr. Rogers green cardigan sweater, freckled with moth holes and worn thin at the sleeves, and step outside into the chilly morning. The sky is blue, with only a few small clouds. I fill the bird feeder and feed the six Toulouse geese and the single remaining Pekin duck some scratch feed. They eat first, and after they finish, the gaggle of Canadian

“Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.” – Miriam Beard It’s easy to see Paris. It’s harder to feel it — but if you can, it will change you. It’s my next-to-last night in the city, and I’m sitting at a small table outside the Rarita restaurant on rue Saint-Honoré, just a few blocks from my apartment. I am making a determined effort to look Parisian: leaning back in my chair, legs crossed, wearing that

“There is a force of love moving through the universe that holds us fast and will never let us go." – Julian of Norwich I'm a young boy curled into a ball on the top stair. My parents have been fighting again, and my dad has left the house for Kmet’s Bar. My brothers and sisters have scattered to places unknown to escape the tension. For some reason I am alone at home with my mother. I am incredibly lonely, afraid, and just want to be comforted. My plan is to roll down the st

תחשוב טוב יהיה טוב “Tracht gut vet zein gut”—think good, and it will be good.” Rooted in Jewish wisdom, this phrase resonates deeply with me. It shows how thought, ritual, and intention can transform us — a concept I have come to appreciate through my journey across faiths and spiritual practices. I was raised Catholic and although I long ago moved away from Catholic dogma, I still find comfort in the ritual of the Mass. My spiritual path has taken me through many traditions:

“We lock ourselves in echo chambers where we only hear ourselves.” – Robert Pirsig In those early days, the only thing keeping me alive was my morning cup of coffee and day-old pastries from Café Lyria, a cozy spot on Crosby Street. That, and a cupboard full of ramen noodles and instant meals, just add hot water. My morning coffee had to be fresh, but I didn’t mind the day-old pastries, they tasted fine, plus they were cheap. It was late November, and I had just turned an ami

“It is no good anticipating regrets. Every tomorrow ought not to resemble every yesterday.”― Beryl Markham, West with the Night I am sitting at a little table in a comfortable studio apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. It’s a second-floor walkup on East 82nd Street and has everything one might need to live in New York City. Framed by tied-back light brown curtains, a gray morning light filters through the windows, and I hear the cooing of pigeons on the ledge. I

“It is by believing in roses that one brings them to bloom.” - Anatole France It’s early evening and already dark as I pull into my driveway. I park the car and grab whatever it is that I am taking in the house and step out. Hands full, I pause and look up at the night sky and search for the Big Dipper. I am a star-gazer of ill repute and the only asterisms I recognize are The Big Dipper and Orion’s Belt. And, yes, I know there’s an app for that. That’s fine, but I am comfort

“There can never be a single story. There are only ways of seeing.” - Arundhati Roy To insure their crops against loss from natural disasters or adverse weather, farmers must submit detailed reports to the USDA. This includes specifying the type of crop, total acreage, how much of each field is devoted to a specific crop, and the date planted. This information must be submitted to the USDA Farm Service Agency (FSA) by a July 15th deadline. The acreage report is often submitt

“Above all, do not lose your desire to walk: every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it”. ― Søren Kierkegaard I do not know much about gods, but I know the spirits that walk this country road with me. I know their names and I know their gait. I hear their whispers alongside me. I hear Richard, a childhood friend, shuffl

“By a grace of sudden intuition, the normally unknowable makes itself known, and the knowledge is self-validating beyond the possibility of doubt.” - Aldous Huxley The sun has just passed its zenith and I am drenched in sweat from working in the orchard since early this morning on this hot, humid day. There’s no real shade as the trees are still small. It’s now early afternoon and I have finished weeding and mulching around each sapling. I have also cleared a patch of ground

“Rings and jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts. The only gift is a portion of thyself”. – Ralph Waldo Emerson 1803-1882 “Would...