The clocks have just chimed 12 indicating the last day of 2020. I have two such clocks and it’s important to me that they chime together. Why that is important is another story. What is important to me right now is that I get out of bed and write this little note to the Facebook breezes and so I can get back to sleep.
When I was much younger, over 50 years ago, I was terrified not to have a date for New Year’s Eve. It would mean that I was unwanted and would have no one to kiss when the new year arrived. One New Year’s Eve, I had a date with a young woman I was really anxious to be with. She was witty, pretty, and smart.
That New Year’s Day, I woke up on the stair landing of a fraternity house and my “most desired” date was gone. I had no idea what happened. I had no idea where she was. I wasn’t even sure I’d been kissed! I never spoke with her again or, more to the point, she never again spoke to me.
I don’t remember her name. I do remember the moment. I still cringe a bit as I think about it. I suppose I could chalk it up to youthful exuberance, lust, alcohol, and fear, but, for me, feelings aren’t mitigated by identifying probable causes. They never are.
I have spent a good number of years since living an amended life and I am not like that now and haven’t been for a long time.
Nevertheless, here it is once again, New Years Eve is approaching and I do not have a date. I am not terrified. In fact, I have come to enjoy life this way. It’s not because I am some sort of cretin who is afraid to inflict himself on some unsuspecting individual. It’s not because I don’t know a number of individuals who I would enjoy being with and who would enjoy being with me. It’s not because I am unworthy. It’s because I want to be alone and quiet. Sincerely.
Every morning, after my meditation, I recite a litany of 189 names. It’s like the ‘Litany of Saints’ for you Catholics out there. It starts (and always has) with my beautiful daughter, Megan, and ends currently with a woman named Teresa. I speak these names because I believe it sends energy to both the living and the dead (what use it is to the dead, I am not sure). I speak these names because I am a tad OCD and scrupulously believe that by omitting one name, I will have failed. Failed at what, I am not sure, but why take chances? Thought/Prayer energy is real and not to be trifled with. I send it out. Then I pray.
Afterwards, I have Lucky Charms with a banana for breakfast (not every day, but frequently enough).
If you have read this, it’s quite possible that your name is on my list and I have been speaking your name to the universe every morning for almost 20 years. I will mention you again as this new year rolls around. I sincerely hope that the tiny burst of energy reaches you. I am working on amping up my energy level so as to not fail you like I failed that young woman so long ago. That is my plan for the year ahead. It’s a good plan. It’s something I can do.
I am kissed by you all.
Happy New Year.
Megan, Dan, Becki, Denis, Chris, Sheri, Sean, Shawna, Mike, Dawn, Dave, Jill, Mike, Dawn, Joanne, Joe, Audrey, Dennis, Gwen Anthony, Teddy, Nathan, Rachel, Rachel, Marcus, Misty, Morgan, Meredith, Adam, Ashley, April, Alex, Aaron, Elysia, Evan, Eugene, Eva, Sharon, Sabrina, Seamus, Jim, Cheryl, Bob, Jennifer, Dan, Jennifer, Sally, John, Rachel, Kevin, Forest, Jonathon, Bill, Craig, George, Velvet, Will, Willie, Frank, Frank, Bob, Bart, Matt, Dave, Bernie, Monica, Marian, Elizabeth, Chris, Vivian, Nicole, Rich, Aaron, Nicole, Heather, Tiffany, Randy, Cindy, Heather, Maureen, Stuart, Bryan, Vivian, Tiffany, Wawa, Brian, Linda, Brendan, Natalie, Tom, MaryJane, Mike, Beth, Mike, Laurie, Mike, India, Van, Lucia, Carly, Jim, Janice, Tucker, Joanne, Bill, Heidi, Mary, John, Ron, Patsy, Michele, Patty, Joy, Jack, Chad, Mike, Terry, Ed, Bill, Tommy, Tom, Chris, Joe, Chris, John, Andrew, Allison, Lorraine, Eric, Harvey, Adam, Adam, Saunie, Peter, Peter, Susan, Peter, Ben, Jim, Peter, Bob, Andy, Richard, Tom, Ben, Sydney, Colin, Cindy, Gus, Emily, Trisha, Chelsea, Kathryn, Nicole, Lynne, Elise, Jackie, Nicki, Carol, Laura, Megan, Dallas, Indica, Cynthia, Tricia, Margaret, Heidi, Natalie, Dave, Kevin, Andy, TJ, Quentin, Sarah, Jimmy, Kyle, Barney, Helen, Neil, Tom, Debra, Mike, Mike, Gene, Rich, Dave, Tonya, Eric, Billy, Paul, Teresa, Connie, Ellen, Amy, Brianna, Michelle, Tim, Maureen, John, Courtney, Anne, Anna, Doris, Elise, Rowan, Gabbi, Tarpley, Gary, Percy